Like a knife stabbed right into my heart.
Like my ribs are suddenly hugging and suffocating me.
Like a sand storm just hit my eyes.
Like someone's pushing the sides of lips down.
That's exactly how I feel when someone brings up the name of a loved one who's not there anymore.
It didn't matter when people told me they're in a better place, I was like I don't care they're not with me anymore!
It didn't matter how many hugs and pats and sympathetic tears and pep talks and hopeless tries to keep my mind off of it. I used to think how those people were pathetic and stupid. How could they think I'd forget? Was that even possible? At some point I was screaming at one of my best friend's faces telling her to tell them to stop condoling me.
It doesn't matter what anyone says unless you believe it yourself.
Yes it's hard not being able to see them anymore, or call them, or hug them, or even look at them. Yes I still get disappointed when they don't call on my birthday and yes missing them is the worst feeling I've ever felt in my entire life.
But that was way too depressing and frustrating, thinking about all these stuff, you know? So now I like to think that they're somewhere better. Making friends with other cute old people, drinking tea or coffee in a beautiful meadow with birds chirping and the weather is never too hot or too cold, It's just fine.
My grandpa could be playing Tawla right now with one of his new friends and he should be winning!
Maybe my grandmother would have met my grandfather by now and they're sitting together right at this moment. It makes me feel better knowing and believing in that.
Why should I cry, right?
They're having fun up there. I'm the one stuck down here studying for my stupid finals!
I just wish I had one more day with each one of them to tell them how much I love them, how much I miss them and how I regret every moment I intentionally and unintentionally missed with them.
May all of the good people's souls rest in peace.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
The Constant Need Of Falling In Love
First of all,
Here in Egypt people like each other/fall in love, become boyfriend and girlfriend then go out on a date.
just to make things clear through out this post.
I thought this was the only case when I saw someone I know constantly thinking they're "IN LOVE".
I was like it's okay maybe that's just him. Then I saw the same case in someone else, then I found that that's the same scenario a lot of people. And by a lot I mean A FREAKING LOT!
What is it with the constant need to be in love or in a relationship? Sure you say you feel happy and nice and fluffy and all but why go look for it? Why look so desperate and pathetic? Why be unfair to the person you think you're in love with?
Those people may say it's a special feeling and they like it or whatever their excuse is but where's the sense to that?
If you feel something all the time that doesn't make it special? That makes it your usual default, even to the people surrounding you.
Imagine this, you've never been in love or you've never really liked someone then you finally found someone you really like, you go to your best friends and you can't wait to see their response and you're all so happy and excited.
Then imagine you liked 20 people in the past 3 moths then you go to your best friend and tell them you now like someone else, so? what's the big deal about that? you've been in love twice and liked over 10 people in the past three months. Sure as best friends they'll support you and all but it's just not the same.
It's not love if you go looking for it, love happens, it just does. You don't go drooling after every potential girlfriend or boyfriend you find. It doesn't work like that.
Then of course what do I know. I just hope that's what it is. In my mind that's how it is; it's beautiful, it's replenishing, it's the best thing that could ever happen to a person.
Stop ruining all the meanings of love. Stop using it as an excuse. Stop depleting it.
I like to think of love as the one in Frank Sinatra's songs, as the look in my mom's eyes when my dad's sick with fever, as the way my grandma's life stopped when my grandpa passed away, as those couple who were dressed in red outfits on valentine's day and asked one of my friends to take their picture together hugging, as the time my uncle's wife got him 10 gifts on their 10th anniversary to cheer him up, as the look my friend shared with her husband when they just got married, as those old couple I saw sitting together holding hands, as the ending of each and every fairy tale.
I'm not being unrealistic, there are chances that not the same thing could happen to me, and there are chances it would. Why not wish for the best when I can? What harm is it gonna cost?
It's just a wish and I'm aware that not all wishes are supposed to come true.
Love comes in all meanings and all shapes and all colours. You don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to feel loved. You are loved. Well at least by your parents, that can never go wrong.
Appreciate what you have, don't go searching for something that doesn't exist. You'll only end up disappointed. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If it's not then that's just how life is. You'll surely find happiness somewhere else.
God never forgets any of his devotees.
Here in Egypt people like each other/fall in love, become boyfriend and girlfriend then go out on a date.
just to make things clear through out this post.
I thought this was the only case when I saw someone I know constantly thinking they're "IN LOVE".
I was like it's okay maybe that's just him. Then I saw the same case in someone else, then I found that that's the same scenario a lot of people. And by a lot I mean A FREAKING LOT!
What is it with the constant need to be in love or in a relationship? Sure you say you feel happy and nice and fluffy and all but why go look for it? Why look so desperate and pathetic? Why be unfair to the person you think you're in love with?
Those people may say it's a special feeling and they like it or whatever their excuse is but where's the sense to that?
If you feel something all the time that doesn't make it special? That makes it your usual default, even to the people surrounding you.
Imagine this, you've never been in love or you've never really liked someone then you finally found someone you really like, you go to your best friends and you can't wait to see their response and you're all so happy and excited.
Then imagine you liked 20 people in the past 3 moths then you go to your best friend and tell them you now like someone else, so? what's the big deal about that? you've been in love twice and liked over 10 people in the past three months. Sure as best friends they'll support you and all but it's just not the same.
It's not love if you go looking for it, love happens, it just does. You don't go drooling after every potential girlfriend or boyfriend you find. It doesn't work like that.
Then of course what do I know. I just hope that's what it is. In my mind that's how it is; it's beautiful, it's replenishing, it's the best thing that could ever happen to a person.
Stop ruining all the meanings of love. Stop using it as an excuse. Stop depleting it.
I like to think of love as the one in Frank Sinatra's songs, as the look in my mom's eyes when my dad's sick with fever, as the way my grandma's life stopped when my grandpa passed away, as those couple who were dressed in red outfits on valentine's day and asked one of my friends to take their picture together hugging, as the time my uncle's wife got him 10 gifts on their 10th anniversary to cheer him up, as the look my friend shared with her husband when they just got married, as those old couple I saw sitting together holding hands, as the ending of each and every fairy tale.
I'm not being unrealistic, there are chances that not the same thing could happen to me, and there are chances it would. Why not wish for the best when I can? What harm is it gonna cost?
It's just a wish and I'm aware that not all wishes are supposed to come true.
Love comes in all meanings and all shapes and all colours. You don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to feel loved. You are loved. Well at least by your parents, that can never go wrong.
Appreciate what you have, don't go searching for something that doesn't exist. You'll only end up disappointed. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If it's not then that's just how life is. You'll surely find happiness somewhere else.
God never forgets any of his devotees.
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