Finally found something I'm passionate about! :)
Friday, July 12, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
Expectations...
You try as hard as you can to be the best person you can ever be, you avoid troubles, you ignore the things others do that annoy you, you hold back and prevent yourself from starting an unneeded fight, you do your best but you still end up hurt.
I'm pretty sure nobody would intentionally want to hurt or annoy you, but YOU are the person doing that to yourself. Expectations; expectations are the reason you get hurt. You expect so much from someone you've done so much for and when they don't you get all these negative feelings; disappointed, unappreciated, frustrated, down, bummed, etc..
I kept thinking for hours and still I couldn't find a solution to avoid that. Avoid keep getting disappointed all the time, avoid feeling unappreciated all the time..
but I can't accept that, so I'll try changing myself first by, 1. lowering my expectations.
2. find the people who deserve my care and efforts.
3. Drop those who don't out of my life.
Life's too short to be wasted on people who are just not worth it.
I'm pretty sure nobody would intentionally want to hurt or annoy you, but YOU are the person doing that to yourself. Expectations; expectations are the reason you get hurt. You expect so much from someone you've done so much for and when they don't you get all these negative feelings; disappointed, unappreciated, frustrated, down, bummed, etc..
I kept thinking for hours and still I couldn't find a solution to avoid that. Avoid keep getting disappointed all the time, avoid feeling unappreciated all the time..
but I can't accept that, so I'll try changing myself first by, 1. lowering my expectations.
2. find the people who deserve my care and efforts.
3. Drop those who don't out of my life.
Life's too short to be wasted on people who are just not worth it.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Beyond The Distant Stars
Like a knife stabbed right into my heart.
Like my ribs are suddenly hugging and suffocating me.
Like a sand storm just hit my eyes.
Like someone's pushing the sides of lips down.
That's exactly how I feel when someone brings up the name of a loved one who's not there anymore.
It didn't matter when people told me they're in a better place, I was like I don't care they're not with me anymore!
It didn't matter how many hugs and pats and sympathetic tears and pep talks and hopeless tries to keep my mind off of it. I used to think how those people were pathetic and stupid. How could they think I'd forget? Was that even possible? At some point I was screaming at one of my best friend's faces telling her to tell them to stop condoling me.
It doesn't matter what anyone says unless you believe it yourself.
Yes it's hard not being able to see them anymore, or call them, or hug them, or even look at them. Yes I still get disappointed when they don't call on my birthday and yes missing them is the worst feeling I've ever felt in my entire life.
But that was way too depressing and frustrating, thinking about all these stuff, you know? So now I like to think that they're somewhere better. Making friends with other cute old people, drinking tea or coffee in a beautiful meadow with birds chirping and the weather is never too hot or too cold, It's just fine.
My grandpa could be playing Tawla right now with one of his new friends and he should be winning!
Maybe my grandmother would have met my grandfather by now and they're sitting together right at this moment. It makes me feel better knowing and believing in that.
Why should I cry, right?
They're having fun up there. I'm the one stuck down here studying for my stupid finals!
I just wish I had one more day with each one of them to tell them how much I love them, how much I miss them and how I regret every moment I intentionally and unintentionally missed with them.
May all of the good people's souls rest in peace.
Like my ribs are suddenly hugging and suffocating me.
Like a sand storm just hit my eyes.
Like someone's pushing the sides of lips down.
That's exactly how I feel when someone brings up the name of a loved one who's not there anymore.
It didn't matter when people told me they're in a better place, I was like I don't care they're not with me anymore!
It didn't matter how many hugs and pats and sympathetic tears and pep talks and hopeless tries to keep my mind off of it. I used to think how those people were pathetic and stupid. How could they think I'd forget? Was that even possible? At some point I was screaming at one of my best friend's faces telling her to tell them to stop condoling me.
It doesn't matter what anyone says unless you believe it yourself.
Yes it's hard not being able to see them anymore, or call them, or hug them, or even look at them. Yes I still get disappointed when they don't call on my birthday and yes missing them is the worst feeling I've ever felt in my entire life.
But that was way too depressing and frustrating, thinking about all these stuff, you know? So now I like to think that they're somewhere better. Making friends with other cute old people, drinking tea or coffee in a beautiful meadow with birds chirping and the weather is never too hot or too cold, It's just fine.
My grandpa could be playing Tawla right now with one of his new friends and he should be winning!
Maybe my grandmother would have met my grandfather by now and they're sitting together right at this moment. It makes me feel better knowing and believing in that.
Why should I cry, right?
They're having fun up there. I'm the one stuck down here studying for my stupid finals!
I just wish I had one more day with each one of them to tell them how much I love them, how much I miss them and how I regret every moment I intentionally and unintentionally missed with them.
May all of the good people's souls rest in peace.
Friday, April 12, 2013
The Constant Need Of Falling In Love
First of all,
Here in Egypt people like each other/fall in love, become boyfriend and girlfriend then go out on a date.
just to make things clear through out this post.
I thought this was the only case when I saw someone I know constantly thinking they're "IN LOVE".
I was like it's okay maybe that's just him. Then I saw the same case in someone else, then I found that that's the same scenario a lot of people. And by a lot I mean A FREAKING LOT!
What is it with the constant need to be in love or in a relationship? Sure you say you feel happy and nice and fluffy and all but why go look for it? Why look so desperate and pathetic? Why be unfair to the person you think you're in love with?
Those people may say it's a special feeling and they like it or whatever their excuse is but where's the sense to that?
If you feel something all the time that doesn't make it special? That makes it your usual default, even to the people surrounding you.
Imagine this, you've never been in love or you've never really liked someone then you finally found someone you really like, you go to your best friends and you can't wait to see their response and you're all so happy and excited.
Then imagine you liked 20 people in the past 3 moths then you go to your best friend and tell them you now like someone else, so? what's the big deal about that? you've been in love twice and liked over 10 people in the past three months. Sure as best friends they'll support you and all but it's just not the same.
It's not love if you go looking for it, love happens, it just does. You don't go drooling after every potential girlfriend or boyfriend you find. It doesn't work like that.
Then of course what do I know. I just hope that's what it is. In my mind that's how it is; it's beautiful, it's replenishing, it's the best thing that could ever happen to a person.
Stop ruining all the meanings of love. Stop using it as an excuse. Stop depleting it.
I like to think of love as the one in Frank Sinatra's songs, as the look in my mom's eyes when my dad's sick with fever, as the way my grandma's life stopped when my grandpa passed away, as those couple who were dressed in red outfits on valentine's day and asked one of my friends to take their picture together hugging, as the time my uncle's wife got him 10 gifts on their 10th anniversary to cheer him up, as the look my friend shared with her husband when they just got married, as those old couple I saw sitting together holding hands, as the ending of each and every fairy tale.
I'm not being unrealistic, there are chances that not the same thing could happen to me, and there are chances it would. Why not wish for the best when I can? What harm is it gonna cost?
It's just a wish and I'm aware that not all wishes are supposed to come true.
Love comes in all meanings and all shapes and all colours. You don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to feel loved. You are loved. Well at least by your parents, that can never go wrong.
Appreciate what you have, don't go searching for something that doesn't exist. You'll only end up disappointed. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If it's not then that's just how life is. You'll surely find happiness somewhere else.
God never forgets any of his devotees.
Here in Egypt people like each other/fall in love, become boyfriend and girlfriend then go out on a date.
just to make things clear through out this post.
I thought this was the only case when I saw someone I know constantly thinking they're "IN LOVE".
I was like it's okay maybe that's just him. Then I saw the same case in someone else, then I found that that's the same scenario a lot of people. And by a lot I mean A FREAKING LOT!
What is it with the constant need to be in love or in a relationship? Sure you say you feel happy and nice and fluffy and all but why go look for it? Why look so desperate and pathetic? Why be unfair to the person you think you're in love with?
Those people may say it's a special feeling and they like it or whatever their excuse is but where's the sense to that?
If you feel something all the time that doesn't make it special? That makes it your usual default, even to the people surrounding you.
Imagine this, you've never been in love or you've never really liked someone then you finally found someone you really like, you go to your best friends and you can't wait to see their response and you're all so happy and excited.
Then imagine you liked 20 people in the past 3 moths then you go to your best friend and tell them you now like someone else, so? what's the big deal about that? you've been in love twice and liked over 10 people in the past three months. Sure as best friends they'll support you and all but it's just not the same.
It's not love if you go looking for it, love happens, it just does. You don't go drooling after every potential girlfriend or boyfriend you find. It doesn't work like that.
Then of course what do I know. I just hope that's what it is. In my mind that's how it is; it's beautiful, it's replenishing, it's the best thing that could ever happen to a person.
Stop ruining all the meanings of love. Stop using it as an excuse. Stop depleting it.
I like to think of love as the one in Frank Sinatra's songs, as the look in my mom's eyes when my dad's sick with fever, as the way my grandma's life stopped when my grandpa passed away, as those couple who were dressed in red outfits on valentine's day and asked one of my friends to take their picture together hugging, as the time my uncle's wife got him 10 gifts on their 10th anniversary to cheer him up, as the look my friend shared with her husband when they just got married, as those old couple I saw sitting together holding hands, as the ending of each and every fairy tale.
I'm not being unrealistic, there are chances that not the same thing could happen to me, and there are chances it would. Why not wish for the best when I can? What harm is it gonna cost?
It's just a wish and I'm aware that not all wishes are supposed to come true.
Love comes in all meanings and all shapes and all colours. You don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to feel loved. You are loved. Well at least by your parents, that can never go wrong.
Appreciate what you have, don't go searching for something that doesn't exist. You'll only end up disappointed. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If it's not then that's just how life is. You'll surely find happiness somewhere else.
God never forgets any of his devotees.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
My definition of happiness
Where can a person find happiness?
What does it feel like?
When is happiness?
WHAT is happiness?
In my point of view, happiness is everywhere if you look close enough.
Happiness is when you wake up and find a "good morning" text from your best friend.
Happiness is when your mom cooks your favorite meal.
Happiness is in every moment I spend with my girls on a girls night out.
Happiness is wherever the people you love are.
Happiness is the involuntary smile you find drawn on your face when an old crush texts you.
Happiness is when your friends call you on 12:00 AM to wish you a happy birthday.
Happiness is the state of mind when you forget all about the world and enjoy the moment.
Happiness is when someone calls you beautiful.
Happiness is in eating chocolate and not caring about the calories.
Happiness is when your friends travel all the way to attend your birthday party.
Happiness is the day you wake up and you realize that you're finally on your summer vacation.
Happiness is the first time (and every time) you travel with your best friends, parents-free.
Happiness is when someone buys you something unexpectedly.
Happiness is when you're opening your gifts not knowing what's in there.
Happiness is when your dad gives you your allowance.
Happiness is when someone tells you they trust you.
Happiness is when people envy you for your friendship.
Happiness is being proud of who you are.
Happiness is when you finish the assignment all by yourself.
Happiness is when your new profile picture gets a lot of likes.
Happiness is when you feel that there's someone who cares about you.
Happiness is everywhere, look closer, didn't find it yet?
How about this,
Ever thought about how much love is surrounding you?
That's enough to keep you happy for the rest of your life!
Your parents, your grand parents, your best friends, your friends, your family, your cousins, your dog, your cat, your god?
What made me think about this post were the past 2 days and how I spent them, I wasn't sad for one moment, one second, I was happy. I found happiness, I can see it now everywhere.
Why bother about anything else in the world when I'm surrounded by so much love?
Why find a reason to be down when there are a million right there for me to be ecstatic?
Life's too short, don't miss it on people and things that are not worth it.
What does it feel like?
When is happiness?
WHAT is happiness?
In my point of view, happiness is everywhere if you look close enough.
Happiness is when you wake up and find a "good morning" text from your best friend.
Happiness is when your mom cooks your favorite meal.
Happiness is in every moment I spend with my girls on a girls night out.
Happiness is wherever the people you love are.
Happiness is the involuntary smile you find drawn on your face when an old crush texts you.
Happiness is when your friends call you on 12:00 AM to wish you a happy birthday.
Happiness is the state of mind when you forget all about the world and enjoy the moment.
Happiness is when someone calls you beautiful.
Happiness is in eating chocolate and not caring about the calories.
Happiness is when your friends travel all the way to attend your birthday party.
Happiness is the day you wake up and you realize that you're finally on your summer vacation.
Happiness is the first time (and every time) you travel with your best friends, parents-free.
Happiness is when someone buys you something unexpectedly.
Happiness is when you're opening your gifts not knowing what's in there.
Happiness is when your dad gives you your allowance.
Happiness is when someone tells you they trust you.
Happiness is when people envy you for your friendship.
Happiness is being proud of who you are.
Happiness is when you finish the assignment all by yourself.
Happiness is when your new profile picture gets a lot of likes.
Happiness is when you feel that there's someone who cares about you.
Happiness is everywhere, look closer, didn't find it yet?
How about this,
Ever thought about how much love is surrounding you?
That's enough to keep you happy for the rest of your life!
Your parents, your grand parents, your best friends, your friends, your family, your cousins, your dog, your cat, your god?
What made me think about this post were the past 2 days and how I spent them, I wasn't sad for one moment, one second, I was happy. I found happiness, I can see it now everywhere.
Why bother about anything else in the world when I'm surrounded by so much love?
Why find a reason to be down when there are a million right there for me to be ecstatic?
Life's too short, don't miss it on people and things that are not worth it.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
"PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE" -Gregory House.
Some people think that self satisfaction is that feeling you get when you impress people around you. They keep improving their image in front of others in all the ways that are possible; new clothes, new shoes, new cars, new apartments, new houses, lots of kids, international schools, travel all the time, anything and everything that would impress the people surrounding them.
Ever thought how that could be a bad thing?
Don't you see what you're doing to yourself?
When you raise someone's expectations, you're consequently increasing their disappointment.
How could a person ever be happy by making those around him feel less?
How do you think people close to you would feel after you disappoint them by not being able to fulfill their needs because you're too busy showing off to less important people?
Why not order your priorities?
There's an old saying that goes like, Whoever grew up on something grows old on it.
It's their nature now, no one can ever change that. No matter how much it hurts no matter what you do you'll eventually have to accept them for who they are and live with it.
People don't change. They are the same the only variable that changes is how better you got know them and that's probably why you'd think they've changed. Don't try to change a person's beliefs, apart from the fact that they won't, it's their right to choose how to think and how to manage their lives.
If a person's willing to change, it's for someone else. Someone they love, someone they care for. That's the only case where there's a possibility that someone would actually agree to flip all of their beliefs and their concepts and their principles in life. It's called sacrifice. It's called compromise. It's called love.
Ever thought how that could be a bad thing?
Don't you see what you're doing to yourself?
When you raise someone's expectations, you're consequently increasing their disappointment.
How could a person ever be happy by making those around him feel less?
How do you think people close to you would feel after you disappoint them by not being able to fulfill their needs because you're too busy showing off to less important people?
Why not order your priorities?
There's an old saying that goes like, Whoever grew up on something grows old on it.
It's their nature now, no one can ever change that. No matter how much it hurts no matter what you do you'll eventually have to accept them for who they are and live with it.
People don't change. They are the same the only variable that changes is how better you got know them and that's probably why you'd think they've changed. Don't try to change a person's beliefs, apart from the fact that they won't, it's their right to choose how to think and how to manage their lives.
If a person's willing to change, it's for someone else. Someone they love, someone they care for. That's the only case where there's a possibility that someone would actually agree to flip all of their beliefs and their concepts and their principles in life. It's called sacrifice. It's called compromise. It's called love.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
What is it?
I feel like I'm still in the "wait for it" part. Actually no, I'm nowhere near legendary, I can't even figure out what I'm passionate about. Everyone has something; sports, singing, dancing, cooking, writing, inventing, organizing.. something! I don't.
I love reading but no it's not it. I love drawing, still not it. I love hanging out, but seriously how's that a passion. I love it when I do something and people like but that's not what I want, I'm really good at organizing parties aaaand also not it...
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I WANT, I have no idea how.
I love writing, maybe that would turn out to be that "something" someday? Who knows?
Why does it seem so easy to other people? It's like they know what they want and they're already acting upon it.
I've always wanted to be different. I know that. I also know that I'll never stop trying.
I know that I'll never give up something I really want. I know I'll be different, not freaky different, unique and you know, different. That's a lot of commas in one sentence.
My dad always told me that you have to have a plan for everything you do in your life. So first of all A PLAN.
List of things I really want to do:
1.I really want to finish my "20 things to do before 20" list which is nearly impossible since my BD is in nearly 2 weeks and I've accomplished 9/20 things, hope's still there and I'm not going to lose it.
2.I really want to get ranked in the top 20 students in my pharmacy class, still not very possible but I still have 5 semesters to go so hope is still there.
3.I really want to learn how to ride a bike.
4.I really want to take a designing course in Paris but I'm too much of coward to go there alone.
5.I really want to have a super awesome 20th BD because I'm tired of having lousy ass ones.
6.I really want to get accepted in an interview. Any interview. I've been rejected way too many times already and I think that's enough.
7.I'm really awkward when meeting new people, I really want to change that. I want them to see the me that hangs out with her friends on a weekend. Fun, sociable me. Not awkward me.
8.I want to get an MBA.
9.I really want to do a lot of charity work and make a difference in someone's life.
10. I really really want to lose weight.
I want to be successful and I want to have accomplished a lot of things and that's not going to happen by just sitting there in front of the laptop watching people posting photos of themselves on Facebook while they're going after what they really want from life.
I will change. And I am starting right now.
TO THE ROAD TO KNOW WHAT IS IT THAT I REALLY WANT...
I love reading but no it's not it. I love drawing, still not it. I love hanging out, but seriously how's that a passion. I love it when I do something and people like but that's not what I want, I'm really good at organizing parties aaaand also not it...
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I WANT, I have no idea how.
I love writing, maybe that would turn out to be that "something" someday? Who knows?
Why does it seem so easy to other people? It's like they know what they want and they're already acting upon it.
I've always wanted to be different. I know that. I also know that I'll never stop trying.
I know that I'll never give up something I really want. I know I'll be different, not freaky different, unique and you know, different. That's a lot of commas in one sentence.
My dad always told me that you have to have a plan for everything you do in your life. So first of all A PLAN.
List of things I really want to do:
1.I really want to finish my "20 things to do before 20" list which is nearly impossible since my BD is in nearly 2 weeks and I've accomplished 9/20 things, hope's still there and I'm not going to lose it.
2.I really want to get ranked in the top 20 students in my pharmacy class, still not very possible but I still have 5 semesters to go so hope is still there.
3.I really want to learn how to ride a bike.
4.I really want to take a designing course in Paris but I'm too much of coward to go there alone.
5.I really want to have a super awesome 20th BD because I'm tired of having lousy ass ones.
6.I really want to get accepted in an interview. Any interview. I've been rejected way too many times already and I think that's enough.
7.I'm really awkward when meeting new people, I really want to change that. I want them to see the me that hangs out with her friends on a weekend. Fun, sociable me. Not awkward me.
8.I want to get an MBA.
9.I really want to do a lot of charity work and make a difference in someone's life.
10. I really really want to lose weight.
I want to be successful and I want to have accomplished a lot of things and that's not going to happen by just sitting there in front of the laptop watching people posting photos of themselves on Facebook while they're going after what they really want from life.
I will change. And I am starting right now.
TO THE ROAD TO KNOW WHAT IS IT THAT I REALLY WANT...
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